a season ending (part 1)

As I open our front door only to run into a wall of humidity and then break into a sweat while I am cursing the car seat that I still can't seem to click in on the first try, I think to myself, "Surely it cannot be almost October." But the uncharacteristic temperatures are only a sidebar to the real reason I can't seem to believe autumn is already here. Although most bid their farewell to another summer back in August, mine is just now coming to an end. I begin work on October 1st...yeah, that's Monday, in case some of you are in as much denial about the harvest month arriving as I am. It's always a little sad to see summer go. Especially for those that are fortunate enough to have it off, the early mornings, rigid routine, and hard work of the school year are a sharp contrast to lazy summer days. But this summer is by far the hardest to say goodbye to. All my favorite things about summer--days at the beach, outings for ice cream, the smell of freshly cut grass and hamburgers on the grill, an icy fresh-squeezed lemonade a the farmers' market--pale in comparison to the joy of experiencing life with our sweet baby girl.

Tears well when I think about my time with her. We have laughed together and cried together (thankfully more laughing than crying lately!). I have learned her cries and she has learned my face and my voice. We have had lengthy conversations of "aaaggghhh"s and "ooooohhh"s. I have told her all about our dogs, how to load the dishwasher, and that the guy who just cut me off in traffic "did not to a very nice thing to mommy." I have entertained her by joining Timon and Pumba in a chorus of "Hakuna Matata" and by dancing a jig to Nickel Creek. She has entertained me with her always expressive face. I have taught her how to put her passy back in and she has taught me about selflessness and about slowing down to appreciate every blessing, small or big, that God has given me.

I am transitioning from my job as stay-at-home mom to school counselor; I'm moving from pouring my time, energy, and love into one tiny person all day long to sharing myself with 100 or so kids whose circumstances may necessitate just as much nurturing. My prayer is that God will fill me up so that my kids at school will stand waiting, mouths wide open, for the overflow. And that the overflow will be abundant so that Madison Grace receives the same when I return home.

My senses can easily recall a day at the beach; memories are so fond that I close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sun, the ocean breeze tickling my face, the soft sand on my toes, and the salty waves lapping at my ankles. I hope I will close my eyes 20 years from now and remember moments with Madison with the same vividness. What I will try to remind myself when I feel sad about going back to work is that as sweet as summer is, I love the fall too. As I look forward to the beautiful changing colors and the cool, crisp (hopefully!) autumn air, I also wait with anticipation for the next stage in my life as a mom. These months have been an blessed adventure. One that I know is not ending when I go back to work. The seasons are just changing...

mom jeans

Is this what mommyhood means? If so, count me in!

romans 8:37-39

It's one of those days that everyone remembers. Where they were...what they were doing...who they were with. The first plane barreled into its target while I was gathering my materials for the storytime I was about to present. September 11, 2001--I was a children's librarian, sharing stories with kids by day and planning for my upcoming wedding by night. My mind was on happy things--preschool giggles and "Big Fun" by Greg & Steve...finding my fairytale dress and picking out lilies for my bouquet. Thinking back, I was almost as unaware of danger and evil in the world as the room full of 4-year-olds that listened to me read the sing-song verse of Tub-Boo-Boo while the second tower tumbled.

Over the last six years I have become more and more aware of the hurt that our world is in. I can easily succomb to fear--we are raising a daughter in this world! But I want to choose to recognize that I have a Savior that has conquered all hurt, all evil, and even death. And choose to not live in fear. And to choose, in the best way that I know how, to make change in the world around me.

A lot of you all are familiar with Starting Tuesday--one of the bandmembers is part of a family that is a very important part of mine and Charlie's lives (Bill, Joann, Rachel, & Daniel Goans). The band has recently changed their name to reflect their passion for and calling to change, through Christ. I encourage you to check out their message and their music: http://www.wavingwhite.com/ & http://www.thewarmusic.com/.

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"...we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. for I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."